A definition of art that I like

Bobby Fischer died in Iceland. Deeply troubled for perhaps his entire life, a kind of Freudian wreck out of Dostoevsky - a Jew-hating loner with a Jewish mother - another chess master was talking about playing him and said this - which I thought was so beautiful:

“'It was one of his brilliant counterattacks,' recalled Mr. Byrne...'He was playing Black, and he made a deep sacrifice, so deep that I did not understand it. It was a very profound combination, very beautiful.'

"Mr. Byrne ended up resigning the game while he was still materially ahead. The result was so unusual that it confounded grandmasters analyzing the games for spectators."

It comes from somewhere, that ability to elicit appreciation at such a level.

He was paranoid, afraid of the Russians openly in a way that many of us in the Cold War would have loved to have been, accusing them of attempting to get him - individually - not one of x million souls in the Chicago area or the Boston area or whatever, but him, one individual on a plane. That idea that ANY individual might matter in the face of hydrogen bombs, seems to me, a small act of necessary assertion. But it was probably also a slow but quickening seeping of madness. It seems from the outside anyway...

Regardless, the semester ended today basically. I took home a bag of papers to grade - I was so tired I didn't bother going out tonight. I thought about it, and then I thought, "what's the point really?"

I finished a book I'd dawdled on, read at another and listened to the Magnetic Fields album - which I like a lot on the first listen. We'll see how it holds up...

Random Lists

Usually I just leave these on my occasional blog at myspace...but I can't sleep, so I figured this might go in both places, but here with a picture as well...

Can't sleep...so...more lists perhaps.

Five things I Have Pretended Not To Notice in My Life at Various Points:
1. Bum masturbating into trashcan at 15th and 6th Avenue
2. Bum? Fratboy? Both? Throwing up between parked cars on tenth street
3. Sleeping student(s) who when awake is loud
4. The poor bum with the burned out eyes who walks along the train asking for money with a cardboard sign describing how his eyes were burned out.
5. Onrushing Fate and aging//vomit stained sidewalks

Five songs that make me think of high school:
1. Just Another Day - Oingo Boingo
2. True Faith - New Order
3. Harborcoat - R.E.M.
4. Shoplifters of the World Unite - the Smiths
5. Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix

Five pieces of furniture I have loved in my life:
1. My bed that I got after I'd been sleeping on the floor for 7 months after I first got to New York. I remember not sleeping in what felt like only a step above a gerbil's den for the first time, that first weekend when I could sleep in. And for some reason I felt like a ship captain. I think it was the room, with the wooden slats on the ceiling.
2. The formica kitchen table we had growing up. It looked like the future from a 1950s point of view.
3. The orange chair I read in while I was growing up. I could read there, in various positions, for up to about 15 hours at a stretch. It was maybe the best chair of all time.
4. The rocking chair I had at 1429 Rascher, which I found at this freaky antique store that had about 7432 crosses in it, many with Jesus in horrible, excruciating, bleeding pain. But man, what a rocking chair. It felt like summer all year in that rocking chair.
5. The blue bookcases that were my grandmother's. The carving is pretty, and the size is conducive to good organization.

Five times I felt absolutely at peace:
1. The first time I struck out the side pitching: walking back to the dugout. I remember I gave a half-skip at one point. I was pretty stoked.
2. Bobbing up to the water after the first time off the high dive. i was still alive. The sun felt good. I wanted to go up again.
3. Sledding after this blizzard when we were 19 - we were a bit old for it - it was super late - afterwards there was sleepy/comfortable discussion in Terhune's kitchen.
4. Driving to this abandoned coal city once in Southern Illinois on the crest of a storm - Jeff was driving - Jason was turning around to say something and in the background was the Rolling Stones' "Gimme Shelter" which just sounded so foreboding - but we were laughing. The end of school was only three weeks away.
5. Building Legos with Tom when I was nine. We had an amazing space station planned out. We built some amazing space ships.
5b. This one time when I first had my license, and I was driving down Rand Road, it was the spring of junior year - a Saturday - I'd just gone to this record store that specialized in imports of punk and industrial records - The Turntable - i was listening to Led Zeppelin IV on the 8-track - the car felt so good and I had nowhere special to be for the rest of the afternoon. I don't know why. But it was pretty great.

Time for sleep I hope.





Trees at night in Chicago and New York - one blurry, one less blurry. I love to think about trees when I can't sleep, out there, comfortable in the night air. It's so peaceful to think about.